Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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