Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
