what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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