Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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