I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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