its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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