I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
