you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
