Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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