there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
