I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
