the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
