I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
