i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
