Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
