I'm so fucking centered right now
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Randomize
