he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
