i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
