Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
