You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So drunk its hurt
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I wear drunk well.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
