He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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