That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
