Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
