he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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