Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
