I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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