I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
