I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
