Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
