Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Someone shit on the floor
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
