I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
