I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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