yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
