I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
