when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
