Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
