these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
