dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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