I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
