im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
