First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
