my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
