Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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