No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I want a musical about memes.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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