you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
