i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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