I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
