The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
