My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
