sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You're like the curious george of whores
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
