No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
